Today's Farce is Brought to You by Natalie's Brain

The morning routine has changed this year, what with Number One being gone and Number Two being spoiled...okay, not spoiled, but she doesn't take the bus to school, so she doesn't have to leave at 6:45 a.m., so all three of us are leaving at the exact same time every morning, so we're all trying to take showers at the same time.

That's reason number one.

Reason numbers two, three, and four are my recent blog tour, my new day job hours (starting at 8 instead of 8:30), and my increase in freelance work as well as awkward timing of that work.

Those are the reasons I've been getting up at 5:30 every morning.

Due to ice and snow earlier this week, I was getting up at 5. I didn't have as productive a day as I wanted yesterday, so I had to get up at 5:00 a.m. today so I had time to do some stuff and turn it in.

You with me so far? Good.

One other bit of background you need to know: I wake up almost every morning 1 or 2 minutes before my alarm goes off so it doesn't wake my husband. Also because it's effing obnoxious.

So this morning I wake up at 5:00 a.m., turn off the alarm, take a shower, get mousse and conditioner in my hair and moisturizer everywhere, and go out to feed the cats. Only one shows up.

I spend some time searching for BG and can't find her in any of the bedrooms. She's not locked in the downstairs bathroom as she is most nights, nor under beds or desks or tables as she might be when she thinks we are going to lock her away. I even checked outside, concerned she snuck out and no one noticed. Can't find her.

I boot up my computer, start up some programs, and glance at the clock. Huh. Why does it say 2:46 a.m.?

With a sick feeling, I hit the home button on my iPod. Yep. 2:46 a.m.

Well f**k.

I went to bed at 12:25, so I got just about an hour and a half of sleep before I started my day. That's not gonna work. But I'm wide awake, and my hair is wet. I can't just get back into bed. Plus I have all this work still do to. Should I go lie awake, struggling to sleep, and doze off around 4 only to get up at 5 so I can get the work done? That's stupid.

(Uh, yeah. This whole thing is stupid.)

So I worked until 3:45, prepping for today's blog stop and the promotion that has to be done, as well as completing three client projects and updating the checkbook with today's paycheck. During that time, BG (pictured above) shows up at my door with that same accusatory expression. While she ate the food I'd set aside for her (after some coaxing, cuz come on, it' THREE FORTY FIVE A-FREAKING-M) I took Maya into the bathroom (lest she eat BG's food) while I dried my hair.

Then I put on clean pajamas and went to bed.

Woke up at 6, made sure the shower was going, and dozed until 6:30. Got up, brushed my teeth for a second time, realized I needed 5 minutes to get dressed and 5 minutes to redo my hair, and got back into bed.

As you can guess, I got a venti mocha with an extra shot for breakfast. It kept me feeling alert, but did not make me articulate or keep me from making stupid mistakes all morning, at which my boss laughed every time because she was so amused by this story.

I know there are some of you who routinely get up at 3:30 or 4:00 a.m. (I'm looking at YOU, MJ), but how many times have you done it by mistake?

I don't think I'll be recovering from this until the middle of next week. Good thing I got copyedits yesterday...