Dryer Wars 2007

The following is a true story, told by the participants. No facts have been changed to protect the innocent. There were no innocents in this war.

The Dryer: It happened slowly, as these things always do. Conditions down here deteriorated, and those in power were oblivious.

The Owner: All I knew was that my clothes were taking longer and longer to dry. First it was three cycles, then it was four. The dryer is old. I thought we needed a new one.

The Dryer: That infuriated me. I did my job for nine years, toiling away, and all she ever did was load me up again. Sure, the lint filter got cleaned before every restart. But it wasn't enough. It's never enough.

The Owner: A couple of years ago a sock got stuck in the fan, and we took apart the bottom of the dryer to pull it out. It was really full of lint then, so I knew that might be the problem now. But I couldn't find the ratchet set.

The Dryer: There are always excuses by those in power for not attending to those laboring under them. I was tired of it. I wasn't going to take it anymore, not with a lame token.

The Owner: Things were getting worse. I found the ratchet set and cleaned out the completely clogged exit duct, and all the lint loose in the bottom of the dryer. It didn't help. The next load took an entire day to dry. War had been declared. I got out my Consumer Reports articles and ratings on dryers.

The Dryer: Do you know how heartbreaking it is to have hope dashed so completely? It was like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. I took a calculated risk in complete rebellion, but what else could I do?

The Owner: Plans are no good if you don't implement them. The articles I read said you should clean your ductwork once a year. We hadn't done it since we moved in. Nearly nine years ago. I'd taken measurements weeks before, but Christmas and work and school stuff kept interfering. It was going to be a big job. I even bought all the materials earlier in the week, but didn't break down and take care of things until the end.

This morning I pulled out the dryer, cleaned out the rigid, flat duct that goes behind it, completely replaced the old ductwork, and replaced the vent that goes to the outside, with a new louvered cap over it. It wasn't easy. Just cleaning the floor under the dryer took forever. But in the end, it was worth it, to end the war.

The Dryer: I dried the next two loads in one cycle. The third one, too, the big one of towels. War can be ugly, but sometimes it's necessary, to wake people up to their stupidity. I'm just glad no one was killed in this one.

The Owner: I can't wait to see my electric bill next month.