Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Grocery Store Fantasies (of the Non-Food Variety)

I just made a quick run to the grocery store for pancake mix for Number Two's birthday breakfast tomorrow. (We HAD pancake mix, but it turns out it expired in January. :/ )

So on my way out I watch a woman with a giant SUV parked 4 spots from the store using her free hand (she was on her cell phone, natch) to stick her grocery cart in between the cars. Rather than taking 30 seconds to run it up to the walkway.

As I passed it, I deliberately-accidentally bumped into it, but it didn't go anywhere. That made me sad. So here's my fantasy, edited twice in my head on the drive home, because that's my job. :)

I "bump" the cart hard enough to knock it into her shiny planet-killer. She leans back out the partially open door of her vehicle to yell at me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" I say, grabbing the cart, even though it's too late to save her paint job. "The person who left this here obviously didn't care about what happened to people's cars."

And then I leave it there and walk away to my 16-year-old Toyota that can totally stand up to any carts left in the lot, and then carefully put my cart in the corral, because I always do.

That would have been trés satisfying, non?

What kind of confrontation have you fantasized about lately?


LBDDiaries said...

Well Miss N, I luff yew very much but as the person married to the owner of one of those huge SUV's I want you to know we don't all do that! I always put my cart back, never take up more than one parking spot and never, ever sneer at a 16 year old Toyota! My car is 14 years old & I love both his huge one (he IS 6'2) and mine (his head bumps the ceiling) equally since neither one emits any more emissions than other vehicles out there. I'd rather take a road trip in his than mine!! BUT this was a hysterical post!!! And yes, I've wanted to do what you dreamed of doing, many times.

LBDDiaries said...

p.s. - I meant the above to be written with a smile on my face, not an "attack" - just poking back, in LOVE, of course!!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

LOL. I plan scenarios like that too. I can't stand people too lazy to put their carts back. I'm watching the Count of Monte Cristo while I write this. A man after our own hearts.

Natalie J. Damschroder said...

Nan, I didn't mean to imply that all people who drive planet-killer SUVs are inconsiderate with their carts! :) And don't worry, I took your comment in the vein intended. :)

My boss today was all about giving such people the benefit of the doubt ("we don't know what's going on in their lives at that time, blah blah blah") and of course she's totally right, but she also admitted that no matter how tempted she is, she also ALWAYS puts her cart in the corral or back up at the store.

*high fives Sue* Some of that is our writer brains, I'm sure. :)