I'm a Mess

This morning, I put my weight on the ball of my flexed right foot, and my leg gave way. With searing pain in my ankle.

Yeah, I think that's pretty much done in.

I've sprained that ankle at least a dozen times in the past fifteen or more years. I remember most of them. First one was playing football at my cousin's house. Once was in a parking lot walking from work to the dorm--actually, I think I had two in that exact same pothole. The last one was in December, stepping on the edge of the driveway. I feel as nauseous now, remembering, as I did then, lying on the ground. Gah.

It's never major sprains. I can always walk okay after icing it, just can't bend it laterally or put pressure on the soft tissue. But I've been having trouble with that ankle over the last couple of years, with stiffness and pain when I try to wear heels or even just walking after I've been sitting for a while. I thought exercise might help, but it's not. I probably have degenerative joint disease. Funny that it's only ever been my right ankle. I have never sprained the left in my whole life.

It's a hard truth we face as we get older, that certain injuries will always bother us, to varying degrees. I have a bad shoulder, too, that probably has a labral tear. Tried to hand something to the baby behind me in the car, felt it pop. Get horrible headaches if I sleep on that side, carry something over the shoulder for more than five minutes or weighing more than half a pound, etc. Chiropractic helps, as does drinking lots of water when the pain starts.

But it gets weirder. In May 2006, I was only a couple of weeks away from my last day at work. I made a joke about it to my coworker, who really didn't want me to leave. She pretended to come after me. I ran down the hall, and when I planted my foot to turn left into the work room, the rug slid and dumped me on the floor. I slid into the doorjamb, putting a major bruise on my left shin.

It's still there. And yes, that date is correct. Thirteen months later, I have a brown discoloration about two inches in diameter on my leg.

My skin is showing my age, too. I don't have any real wrinkles yet, though when I'm fatigued the lines in my forehead don't go away. But the skin on my face and hands is looking a bit like the buttery seats of a roadster. It's soft and supple, not dry like in the winter, but has a leathery appearance. I'm afraid I'm going to start looking like Robert Redford soon.

Moisturizing might help, but I have no vent in my bathroom. So this time of year I'm sweating from the time I get out of bed until I settle at my computer about two hours later. Putting lotion on my face that's covered with beads of water isn't going to have a healthy effect. I do know I need to drink more water, though. Maybe that will help.

I also have a forehead anomaly that's blamed on my hairstyle. I have a part on the right and bangs on the left, and no matter how often I go out with my hair pulled back off my face, I still have a creamy white patch on the left side of my forehead. In fact, my entire body's tan lines are funky. Shorts lines, t-shirt lines, the thing with my face (which is as much freckles as tan), watch mark, left arm darker than the right, different shoulder and chest marks due to tank tops and two different bathing suit necklines...and then there's the Great Spray-On Sunscreen Debacle. Huge white patches on my upper arms in the center of lobster city. That will never even out.

See? I'm a mess. And a freak, to boot. :)